I am always amazed at how fast children grow. In our last house, we measured each of the kids on the door frame every few months and always on their birthdays. For awhile, every day after breakfast Nathan would ask, Have I grown today? Then we would go to the door frame and I would always say Why, yes you did! He didn't look at the marks. I guess my reassurance was good enough for him. Mothers always love to see how big their babies are getting. I breastfed all of my babies, and I would take them in from time to time for a weight check, and I loved to hear that they were gaining weight just as they should. Well visits at the doctor were always marked by growth charts and I kept every one of them for each of my children. I remember when I was pregnant, Charles would mark each month of my growing belly with a picture, and we always loved seeing the ultrasounds of our growing baby for the first time. And now, I am looking at report cards to make sure that my daughter is progressing in school as she should be. My husband and I had joined Weight Watchers, after our first baby, and we always held our breath as we weighed in and saw our progression of weight loss on our chart.
Human beings love to see progress. We love to see that we are being productive and accomplishing something. Not only do we have an addiction to progress and productivity, we have an addiction to seeing progress fast! We want results now! We love to feel rewarded by the knowledge and the proof that we have really done something. I love to see all the laundry folded and put away. I love to see the kitchen floor swept. I love to see the potty training chart full of stickers. We are visual people. We love graphs, goal sheets, blueprints, and saving accounts that show interest earned on our hard earned money. We love lists that are crossed off and planners with calenders of productive meetings. We love to be able to delete emails and see an empty inbox. All of these things are very concrete examples of progress and productivity. So when it comes to progressing spiritually, and feeling like our prayer life is being fruitful, productive and effective, it is much harder to "chart" this and demonstrate the kind of results that we are so used to seeing.
When it comes to praying, people often get discouraged quickly because they are not sure that anything is really happening. Many of us really get serious about prayer when something really serious happens to us, usually at the time of a death, or an illness, or some other type of life-changing circumstance. Although it is a place to start a prayer life/relationship with God, we are so vulnerable and full of pain or worry, that it is really difficult to understand, or feel, that anything is happening. Praying when things are going well in our life is the best time to begin praying because we are less desperate about what we need from God, and more open to where God wants to take us, and more available to experience real spiritual growth, and to let that growth unfold as it should.
When we think about growing spiritually, it is first important to remember that we pray to change ourselves and not somebody else. The underlying purpose of all prayer is to change, heal, and learn how to love ourselves so we can be of service to others from a loving, compassionate place. Spiritual growth involves looking inward first. The journey of spiritual growth is a lot like house cleaning. In order to grow spiritually, we have to look in every room, every closet, and every corner of our lives and clear the clutter, mop the floors, organize the mess, wash the windows, wipe away the dust bunnies, and make repairs to what has been damaged or broken.
The first step in growing spiritually, is to pray, and take time to reflect on your life, and surrendering to God what you will discover. As scripture says, there are many rooms in my Father's mansion. The same is true of us. We are God's house, and when we desire to grow spiritually, we examine what is in each of the many rooms of our lives. Prayer, and trusting the doors that God will help us unlock, and enter, will reveal the path to growing spiritually. Anything that has caused us pain is the place to start. It is not always easy, but if you are really and truly serious about growing spiritually, you must look at where you have been wounded. Every one of us is a spirit that has been wounded in some way, and has manifested in the physical body you have, and is seeking to heal through the events that shape our lives. Maybe some of us need to open the door of an
abusive past and walk into that room and carefully start exploring our feelings around that event(s). Journaling is a good way to do this. Writing down the details of what happened is important, but even more important, are the feelings you felt, and continue to feel, about those events and who was involved. If walking into that room alone is too overwhelming or painful, a therapist would be someone to help you explore that room, especially the dark corners, and the things you thought you put away in the closet, hidden from yourself and the rest of the world. Prayer, journaling, therapy, and trusted friends can help you be in that room and lift the rug where you thought all people, events, reactions, feelings, pain, and perceptions had been swept underneath it never to be lifted again.
Maybe some of us have a room of obesity to unlock, enter, and explore why we might be carrying all that extra weight around. In that room, there might be a mirror where you can look at yourself and be honest about what you see there. God is standing behind you while you look at the image of yourself, holding you up, and encouraging you to be honest about what it is that you feel when you see yourself. You share what you can and you decide to move to the windows, and pull the curtains away, and open a window to let the light in and feel a fresh breeze. The light begins to shine on the truth about how you really feel, and the fresh air of new love and respect for yourself begins to blow through your thoughts. It is not as frightening to be in this room, and you know you will have to return there until you are fully healed.
Spiritual growth first, and foremost, has to be about healing our wounded selves. All of us are here on this earth to heal so we can grow spiritually. If you are truly unable to figure out what needs healing in your life, and have never taken the time to examine where you have been wounded, some questions to help you in this type of reflection are: What are the things and who are the people that I feel anger toward? What events in my life have caused me great sadness? A death? An illness? A divorce? A lost job?
Who are the people that really know how to push my buttons? Who irritates me and who do I not want to spend any kind of time with because I do not like what they stand for or the way they live their life? What family members have I had disagreements with in the past? What was the disagreement about? How did I handle it? Who do you obsess about? Who seems to come up on a frequent basis in your thoughts? Often, this person is someone who mirrors a certain characteristic about yourself. Who have you blamed someone for anything recently? Are there any addictions that you are aware of in your family? Who and what type of addiction? How has this affected you? What are you addicted to? What can't you live without? What was your childhood like? How did you do in school? What did you most like and dislike about school? Who do you need to forgive in your life?
As you start to reflect on these questions, there is one really important concept to keep in mind. Every person who is in our life reflects back to us something we need to understand about ourselves. If you are quick to find a fault in someone else, you are really pointing out the same fault in your own life. Everyone is a mirror of something in us. People enter our lives in order to help us heal. The people that are there to aid in our healing are often the people that drive us nuts or the people that we just can't stand to be around, or the people that have caused us a tremendous amount of suffering and pain. So when you are praying within the many rooms of God's house, be sure to stop and look in the mirrors that hang in those rooms. Whether we have been hurt a little or a lot, we cannot stay victims of what it was that happened. The first sign of spiritual growth is reflecting on our wounds and doing everything we can to extend forgiveness of self and others, and stop living out the role of victim. When you can truly be thankful for what you went through, and really understand what happened to you through the eyes of spirit, and you have let go of the pain, the identity of victim, and have forgiven yourself and all who were involved, you are spiritually growing. When you can honestly believe that the person, or people, who have hurt you have not done anything to you, but have done everything for you, so that you might heal, you have spiritually grown in leaps and bounds.
Here are some basic rules about growing spiritually:
1. This is a lifetime journey, often two steps forward and one step back, with detours and bumps in the road. Keep a sense of humor and a sense of adventure while traveling on the road.
2. Consistent prayer, especially silent meditation, is key to growing spiritually
3. Spiritual growth doesn't = obtaining perfection, instead we focus on making progress
4. Reflection on one's life and where we're wounded and in need of healing is the path to all other spiritual growth
5. It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to grow a soul- seek out spiritual direction, and/or counseling, read books on various subjects, join a faith community, and talk to others who are interested in growing spiritually
6.Never compare your journey to another person's journey. Yours is unfolding and evolving in the right time and the perfect way for you.
7. Growing spiritually does not mean climbing higher toward heaven, it means going deeper and inward to your Center where God already lives
8. Spiritual Growth does not require the memorization of prayers, but simply praying with your heart - share your feelings with God and seek to understand the thoughts that came before the feeling
As mothers, it is so crucial that we heal the wounds of our past so that we don't leave a legacy of dysfunction, pain, and woundedness to our own children. What we don't heal in ourselves gets handed down to our children in one form or another. If a mother cannot love herself, our children cannot fully love and accept themselves for who they are. If we feel ashamed of ourselves, our children inherit that shame as well. If we can't express our feelings, our children will hold their feelings in. If we do not work on our own healing, we continue the destructive patterns of the past and our children are bound by those same patterns. Turning to God for healing breaks patterns of shame, abuse, guilt, and lack of dignity. Our children absorb the spoken, and unspoken, parts of us and internalize it in their own way. When we have entered the healing process, our children will reap those benefits too!
Heart disease is the number one cause of death for both men and women. Our hearts tell our stories of being wounded. This disease reflects the poverty of our times - the poverty of not feeling loved. Our hearts contain our woundedness. It is the heart's dis -ease that has manifested itself in the number one cause of death. When a doctor asks you if there is a history of heart disease in your family, the question you are really being asked is, who else in your family lived in the poverty of not feeling loved or valued? Who else in your family has been so wounded that their bodies have manifested a disease of the heart? Who else in your family has a heart that has felt attacked by guilt, anger, shame, resentment, and fear, so much so that it stopped their heart in the form of a heart attack? Sometimes a heart must get the attention of the spirit in order to bring about healing and restored health, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
A sign of spiritual growth is entering the journey of healing, and passing on this gift to our families and eventually the rest of the world. I am praying for all of you who are giving time to read these entries. I am praying for your spiritual journey, that you may experience the feeling of being loved by God and wanting to give this love to your families, your communities, and the rest of the world.
Whether you follow these blogs publicly or anonymously, I hope you'll post your own wisdom, insights, and thoughts so others can reflect on your experiences. All of us contain the wisdom of God and your thoughts are valuable to my own reflection and everyone else's reflections.
In next week's blog, Part 2, we will examine spiritual growth in the following: our image of God and our oneness with God, another key area to growing spiritually.
Future Topics: The role of church in spiritual growth in ourselves and our families, How to begin praying together as a family; Spiritual Elasticity - new wineskins; Creating a Holy Family;
and much more.
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