Olivia, my youngest, is really into her "friends". It doesn't matter where she goes, she always loves to tell me about all her best friends. Her young 3 year old spirit, her very core, believes that everyone is her best friend no matter who it is or where she happens to be. And she is very excited to let people know how many best friends she has in her life. My oldest daughter, Clare, now 8 years old, is at the age where her circle of friends is starting to have more influence on her, and her choices. We went shopping for her school supplies and she shared with me that she wants to be a "new" girl this year. She wants a few things that aren't on the standard school list like a bigger box of crayons, a little "fancier" pencil box, and not just plain folders, but folders that have her favorite television show characters on them. She wants to "fit in" with her peers. She is awakening to that part of her inner "self" that is realizing how important, how fun, and how needed friendships are in her life.
Friends are the people that can love us like family at times may not be able to. Friends are God's unconditional love made visible in our daily lives. For most of us, it is our friends that see every part of us, good and bad, and still accept us for who we are. For some people, our friends are usually found outside of our blood family, and there are some people who experience a "genuine" friend within their blood relation. Most of the friends we meet come to us because of an experience that we have in common. Many people find their friends through a class they're taking, a school they're attending, sitting on a valued committee, church functions, neighborly situations, illnesses, book clubs, their children's activities, grief groups, and the list goes on and on. Every day and in every given situation there is the potential for shared friendship.
For women, friends are an essential, non-negotiable part of living. What happens when two women share a friendship is really nothing short of miraculous. When a friendship first forms, it usally takes shape because of a shared, common interest or circumstance. The level of sharing in the beginning is simply sharing facts about our lives and if there is enough "in common" within the facts, the friendship will move to the heart-level. The place inside all of us that reflects what those circumstances "feel" like. If what two people are feeling is similar, this is where God's activity begins to stir our deepness. For a woman, it is that deepness that longs to be expressed. And when we find someone else to share that deepness with, that place in the heart that is vulnerable, longing for acceptance, and the place in us that never gets tired of hearing that I am a good person. I am valued. I am worthy of love and all that is good, and I have something both beautiful and unique to offer the world. As two friends get together for coffee, a movie, a playdate, or just to talk on the phone, they are both refreshed at the well of living waters. Together, gazing down into the deeper waters of their thoughts, they discover a reflection of themselves in the other. As the "physical details" of life are shared, the "heart details" of thier lives emerge forth from the mutual trust, understanding, and compassion that only a dear friend can offer.
Genuine friendship teaches us something about ourselves. That what we hold in our heart, everything good and everything less than perfect, will never separate us from the love of God. That we don't have to do anything alone, and there is a lifeforce about friendship that won't let us down. Simply put, it is friendship that brings us a certain happiness and contentment and gives us life. A very special kind of love is woven from the varied and colorful fabrics of friendship. Some of these fabrics we will wear for a lifetime, some we will wear for only a short season, and some of our friendship cloths we will wear once and put away... and then pull out for certain special occasions. Some of these tapestries will need mending and special care because of so much use or lack of attention. And some fabrics we will only dare to try on, wondering whether it might be a good "fit" and whether or not I feel more beautiful because I wear it. There are friend- fabrics that we will wrap ourselves in for brief moments of comfort, and some we will simply run our fingers over and over again, knowing that as much as we love its feel, its beauty, and its purpose, we must let go and allow it to warm someone else and enhance someone else's perfection. For that is really what friendship does, it enhances, and draws attention to, the perfect creation that God has believed us to be from our conception.
I can't help but think of some of the touching stories of friendships in the bible. Ruth and Naomi come to mind. Dedication, loyalty, trust, and love are the fabric of their friendship. Ruth chooses to leave her family, culture, and religion to be with her mother-in-law, Naomi, after Naomi finds herself without a husband and sons. No matter what Naomi tells her, Ruth insists on staying with her, and tells her wherever you go, I will go, wherever you live, so shall I live. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God too and
wherever you die, I will die. Ruth eventually marries Boaz, at the encouragement of Naomi, and they have a child, Naomi's grandson, and Naomi takes him as her own. It is a story of two women who conquer the hardships of life together. Together, they transform their experiences of death, famine, and difficult family circumstances into a bright future. God blesses them both with new love, new hope, new abundance and new life. Friendship has the potential and the ability to help us see how God is working in our lives and where God is directing us. Friendship strengthens our bond with God as our bond with the other is strengthened. The encouragement of a friend can see us through all kinds of circumstances and situations.
And then there is the beloved story of Mary and Elizabeth. Two women, found in very unusual circumstances. Both with child. Both going to change the world because of the babies they carried. Who isn't touched when we here that the baby leapt in Elizabeth's womb when the mother of our Lord greeted her. Who hasn't breathed a sigh of relief for Mary when she was able to stay with Elizabeth while waiting for Joseph and waiting for this blessed birth. Can you imagine what their conversations were like? Everything from swollen feet, cravings, and how the hec did we get here? I envision them talking late into the night wondering, and yet trusting how everything must work out. I imagine them laughing at the sheer craziness of the situation and I imagine them holding each other when the tears fell down their cheeks as they feared for life. They must have felt such comfort and strength in each other. Surely Mary and Elizabeth must have prayed together... for their children, their husbands, and their future. The reassurance that what they both experienced of God was real and not something they made up must have made them feel a little less "crazy" and overwhelmingly blessed. It was this friendship that inspired Mary's magnificat celebrating the promises of God. Through everything, Mary feels blessed and expresses that through her great prayer. Mary is humbled by what God has done in her life, and what God will do in her life. She has truly felt the deep and abiding love of God. She knows that God has brought her great happiness even in these circumstances.
Through friendship of all types, we are made privy to the thoughts of God. As we offer our hearts in friendship, we are offering our lives to the care and loyalty of the Maker of All Friendships. When two women come together to share life, something deeply profound happens. We feel alive, and our spirits are carried home where God lives. It is there that God reaches out to us through that friendship. God comes to us in our conversations, our laughter, our frustrations, our hopes, our disappointments, our tragedies, and our triumphs. If you have even one friend, you are blessed beyond measure. Mothers need the friendship of other mothers. Women need to lean on other women, for when we do, we are made stronger, more resilient, more wise, and ever more like the Great Friend. I am reminded not to take any friend I have for granted. I am reminded how important it is to make time to spend with friends. I am reminded that I must be a friend if I want to find a friend. I am reminded that of all the things God is to us, He has surely been a friend to me.
I consider anyone who reads this blog a friend, whether I have met you or not. You are blessing my life in countless ways, especially in ways that I might not yet understand. Be assured that I pray for you, my friends, known and unknown.
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