This time of year, as the holiday season begins to take shape, our planning every detail takes on new life, and the lists of things we need to get done begins to grow, it is easy to forget the simple things... like the laughter and excitement a child expresses as they count down the days till Santa comes. Or remembering to share what you are thankful for as you gather to eat the turkey and dressing. The sheer delight of baking and cutting out sugar cookies, and the fun of tasting the cookie dough, attending holiday programs and singing your favorite hymns at church can be lost to the time, effort, and planning that the holiday season requires of us. My oldest child is perfecting her Christmas list, she has been chosen to sing a solo in her class holiday program, and she is already counting down the days till winter break. Many of the things we do are because of traditions that have been handed down through the generations. Whether it is the food you serve, when you open gifts, what church service you attend, or the way in which you decorate a tree, all are born from tradition, and tradition has, at its very foundation, love. You take certain actions and do things in a certain way because you love doing them and the people you do them for.
As we approach the holiday season, one of the things that we do to honor these special seasons is to follow, create, and participate in family traditions. Family traditions around the holiday season serve many purposes. They are created out of belief, need, and building community. We believe in living out the faith we have inherited, and so we celebrate our need and dependence upon God through various expressions of that faith. The belief and need to come together as family and friends, and share the gift of love with those around us, are all elements of tradition. Traditions are those actions that are manifested from the heart's desire to express those beliefs and demonstrate that they are something special to a family or a group of people. Traditions emphasize what is important to the heart and soul and turn ordinary actions into something a little more formal, beautiful, and sacred. Traditions come in all types, shapes, and sizes. They range from something especially simple to something that contains much detail, organization, and planning. Traditions are sometimes taken for granted, and we are often unaware of their power and their ability to bring people closer together, but if we are not careful, they also have the power to divide, promote separation, and prevent our growing, both in mind and spirit. While some traditions may be religious in nature, they are never secular when it comes to their ability to impact the heart.
Around the holidays, traditions are practiced at an all-time high. They are the things we do both in remembrance of, and loyalty to, our religion, families, and friends. And although keeping and setting traditions can be fun-filled and joyful, they can also be the cause of arguments, tears, and stress. For some people there is much tension between what has always been done and the need or desire to try something new. Traditions carry a history and a loyalty to the past and they often represent the love of ancestors and past generations, and when there is a need, or a desire, to break with tradition, it can feel like you are casting away something beloved and cherished. When someone in the family brings up new ideas about how to live out a tradition, sometimes the people that have carried on that same tradition for years have a tendency to take it personally. They can be so bound to the tradition that they feel rejected, and that what they have done faithfully for many years, now seems unimportant, not good enough, and even "less than" the new ideas presented. Breaking with tradition can become the catalyst for family feuds, the cause of pointless competition, and an excuse, and even permission, to judge the people involved. The very reason we celebrate a religious holiday, now has moved the people involved further and further away from the message of the season, which is love. We have become the opposite of what we intended to celebrate.
Sometimes the language we use when it comes to tradition becomes the barrier to respecting the thoughts of others. Instead of using the phrase breaking with tradition, we need to change our thinking to building and adding on to tradition. Just the term "breaking" has a very negative connotation and even has the undertones of "being angry with" what has been done. When you break away from something, you separate and divide, which is the last thing any family needs around the holiday season. Just by replacing the word "breaking" with "building onto" can change everyone's outlook. Building onto what has worked and what is loved sheds a much more positive light onto the tradition in question. Building onto a tradition improves it and it includes instead of excludes. Building onto a tradition means discerning all the parts of the tradition that are good and multiplying that goodness,usefulness, and effectiveness of the tradition that is being examined. When looking at changing how traditions are carried out, everyone involved must see the tradition as being transformed and expanded upon, instead of seen as changed, done away with, and diminished. When creating new traditions, often the people that created them in the beginning feel threatened by doing something new. Traditions are a place of comfort, stability, and certainty. Traditions hold a consistency that an ever-changing world does not. No matter what, we can count on our traditions to soothe us, make us feel peaceful, and we can count on them always being there for us. So when something new is suggested when it comes to traditions, it "rocks their world". People do not like to be removed from their comfort zones and everything familiar.
For many generations, tradition is law. Traditions are kept at all costs. Traditions are what says "we are family". This is who we are, and what we are about. I lived in this tradition and I did just fine by it, so they must too. But as people grow, change, and evolve, re-evaluating traditions, and allowing them to grow, change, and evolve must happen if the foundation of a tradition is going to be kept, which is love. We must live from a new mindset of how traditions are formed, what they mean, and how we live them out going forward. If traditions are to be set in stone, and never expanded upon, then our hearts become set in stone and love cannot be expanded and grown there. When the very foundation of a tradition is built on love, is created to give love, and is designed to serve and build up a community of people in love, then keeping a tradition at all costs winds up costing us the chance to experience and feel the fullest expression of love in a new way.
If you've always kept the tradition of eating dinner on Christmas Eve at your house, but because of jobs, families with small children, the cost of traveling, and location, maybe having Christmas Eve dinner at your sister-in-laws house is worth it, if it means more family members can attend, the decrease in stress means more happy people, and it also might mean getting to spend more time together rather than less time. The location of the Christmas Eve dinner might change, but the reason for gathering together didn't, which is love and family, and the importance of being together. The reason for Christmas Eve dinner is not so one family always has dinner at a certain location year after year, it is so we can break bread together, spend time loving one another, and sharing life together, through conversation, a glass of wine, and maybe watching a game together. If you've always kept the tradition of exchanging gifts with everyone, but there are family members who find it too costly,too impractical and too materialistic, maybe building on that tradition is necessary. Instead of exchanging gifts among each other, maybe your family decides to give a charitable donation, or maybe you put a dollar limit on the gifts exchanged and then use the rest of the money to feed a needy family during the holiday season. The basic tradition of gift-giving is still kept, but now it has been expanded on through giving to someone outside your family who needs it even more than you.
Younger families that desire creating brand new traditions need to be respected and honored as well. They may love the traditions they grew up on, but they will have their own individual way of expressing love through their own traditions that are unique to the family that they have created. The creation of new traditions binds a young, growing family together, and creates a sense of belonging and oneness with each other. It can be hard for a newly married couple to choose and carry out traditions from both families of origin. What was done in one family, may be something completely different, and not meaningful, to your experience. This is when listening to why the tradition is important to the other person is key. Understanding the context and meaning of the tradition is crucial in order for compromise to occur. We all attach meaning and significance to our traditions, and what means something very important to you, may have no meaning at all to someone else. Blending different elements of the two traditions might be the solution.
When it comes to creating and carrying out your traditions, it is important not to overdo it. If too many traditions are planned, the pressure to follow through can cause even more stress in an already stressful season. It is much better to really put your heart into a couple of traditions...savoring them and enjoying what they bring to your family. Take your time planning them, preparing for them, and living them out, rather than filling up your schedule with many traditions that become diluted and watered down because of lack of time to plan and properly carry them out. Sit down at the beginning of the holiday season and, with your family, talk about the traditions that you love and that you really enjoy doing. Make adjustments if necessary. Take into consideration the age-appropriateness of the tradition and everyone's attention span and ability to participate. Alternate traditions if necessary. Maybe this year, you will sing two Christmas carols instead of four around the piano. If it has always been the tradition to attend midnight church services, but now you have small children, maybe you can attend an earlier more family-oriented service.
Traditions are meant to be fluid, organic, and flexible. They hold, release, give energy, and bless what we do in our lives, and they need room to "breathe", expand, and "grow" just as the people involved grow and evolve. Traditions should be questioned, discussed, examined, and improved upon. Allow yourself and your family a year to "experiment" with a tradition so that you can better articulate and understand what the tradition means to you and the purpose it served. Otherwise they dictate, demand, become rigid, and support the status quo. Traditions that aren't allowed to be built upon and expand, are no longer traditions, they are a rule to follow, and those who don't follow the rule often feel anything but included and needed in the living out of the tradition. Traditions that become rules only grow fear... fear of hurting someone, fear of losing something you thought you possessed, and fear of reflecting on what you thought you knew. Holiday traditions can be joyful and prayerful, meaningful and fun, flexible, yet comfortable and familiar. They are a way to feel God's presence, experience God's joy, and taste the happiness God wants you to have in your life. Traditions strengthen faith and create community. Traditions are a vital part of our lives, at the holidays and year-round. They are not just for churches, colleges and formal institutions. They are foundational to our sense of belonging, and even if the activity seems secular, at its very core, they are divinely led and inspired.
Take the time this holiday season to be intentional with your traditions and reflect on why you are doing them and what they mean to your family. Love what works, and expand on what doesn't. Remember the reason for the season, and take the time to step back and enjoy what is happening around you and experience the deeper meaning of what is happening to you, and for you, as you participate in the traditions of the season. Be awakened by the magic and alert to the laughter of God as you share time with each other, doing the things you love!
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