There are some days when motherhood is hard...really hard. There are times I've raised my voice when I wish I would have been more calm. There are times I made a decision and then looking back, I wish I would have made a different decision. There are conversations I've had with my kids that, looking back on them, I would have tweeked this or said that differently, or the classic...why didn't I think of saying that when I had the chance? I am finding that as my kids are growing, the conversations and behaviors are increasingly becoming more tricky. I love the commercial where the mom and dad are "spell-talking" in front of their child as he plays on an i-pad, and the mom finds it hard to stop spell-talking. I can't spell-talk anymore because now I have two kids that have the ability to spell and crack the code. So, in order to help ease some of the less-than-ideal moments in our house, we have put up a REWIND button on our refrigerator. It is a sheet of white paper, with the word REWIND BUTTON, with a circle around it, written in pencil, held up by a magnet. The EASY BUTTON that STAPLES uses in their commercials inspired this! It is there because I have found there are many moments that I wish could be redone, and the re-wind button has given us permission to start an event or conversation over in a more loving and "true to nature" manner.
Clare and I use it the most. As a matter of fact, we just used it an hour ago. We've had heated discussions about appropriate television shows,wanting to wear make-up, messy rooms, hygiene, homework, and everything in between. When we find ourselves too emotional about an issue, one of us will simply go to the refrigerator and press the re-wind button. That small action has given us permission to just stop and breathe. This re-wind button is on the refrigerator in order to remind us to "chill out" and cool down. It reminds us that we need to re-mind ourselves of who we are. Because when the conversation escalates and both of us feel like the other is not being heard, and our voices raise higher and higher, we have forgotten our true nature. We have forgotten that we are made of love, patience, compassion, forgiveness, gentleness, and self-control. We have to re-align our minds and our sight to God's vision and God's thoughts. It gives both of us permission to set the conversation aside for awhile until we are both calm enough to talk it through. As a mother, it is a huge reminder for me that I don't have to control my children, but I am there to guide, direct, and help them think through the situations we are both passionate about. I don't have to match my children's temper tantrums with my own temper tantrums.
After we've had a chance to cool off, hopefully when we come back together, we can allow each other the chance to start the conversation over on a better note and to say we're sorry if needed. And it's usually needed.... as much on my part as anyone else in this home. I rewind so that I can really listen to what my child is saying as well as what she doesn't say. I re-wind so that the person at the other end of the conversation feels that they are heard. Sometimes the feeling that I understand is more important than the final decision or outcome. I re-wind so that I can try to repeat back to my kids what I think it is they are trying to get across to me. Re-winding leads to re-minding myself to staying on purpose in the conversation. Staying on purpose means that I am going to be the parent and not the friend. Staying on purpose means that no matter what the outcome is, my child still needs to hear and feel that they are loved unconditionally. I will apologize and admit my mistakes, staying on purpose. Staying on purpose means that sometimes we agree to disagree and what I say is the final word, no options, no ifs, ands, or buts. No other choice. And sometimes we compromise if it isn't going to be hurtful or harmful in any way. Asking God to help me hear what is in my child's heart is just as important as the words that are coming out of their mouth. Rewinding and re-minding my "self" that my children hold the light of God within them is necessary. They are first and foremost, souls who have arrived in my life to teach me something about my "self" and about God and life. When I have re-aligned myself to that truth, I am humbled, and in awe of what God has done to bring even more happiness into my life. I am not the only teacher or mentor in the conversation. We are teaching each other something more profound,more deep, and more holy than I could ever imagine. And it is only when I have taken the chance to re-wind, reflect, re-mind, and re-align that I will get the lesson that I am supposed to get, not just what I think the lesson is that my kids should get.
The conversations that get heated and "off-track" aren't really just about the television shows, computer use, phone use, the make-up, the messy room, or the homework. Many times, it is something in me that needs to be held up to their light and examined. There is something in me that needs God's healing touch, and the channel through which it came was in the conversation that needed the REWIND BUTTON. The drama that we were both engaged in, and the roles we are playing out, are a reflection of something in me too. It isn't always about my children, and helping them do what they need to do. Taking a time-out to reflect on those conversations, I can start to see what God is trying to show me. I am re-minded when I can stop and go to my Center. The place of God in me. The place of no secrets and a forever opened gate to the fields of heaven. There, I breathe slowly, deeply, and deliberately, allowing myself to open the door of my invisible self. I choose to walk through those gates and find my angel- child or my angel- friend, or my angel- husband, or my angel- co-worker, bathed in the warmest light. God is with us, showing me what lies in our hearts. Our spirits gathered there, I feel God in the midst of this holy space. I feel the power of the sacramental conversation that has been blessed with the oil of peace and consecrated to the One Heart. Joined in mind, spirit, and heart, I choose to give to the other person only what is loving and free of judgment.There, God loves us both unconditionally, giving me the words, the direction, and the solution to the drama that has just taken place. I only needed to stop and ask for what I needed... for what we needed. Re-aligned with God, I am re-minded that I am the other person and they are me, and although I may be trying to teach the other person something, I am also being taught a valuable lesson. Am I talking to the other person the way that I would want to be talked to? Am I listening to the other person the way that I would want to be listened to? Am I empowering the other person or selfishly holding onto a "power" that is false in order to make myself feel good? Do I have a need to be right? Can I be okay with being corrected by the Holy Spirit's wisdom, truth, and knowledge. Re-aligned, our only goal is love, and it is important to take the time to ask God what is the loving action that is needed here? Re-aligned, I re-mind myself to ask the question How can I be of service to God in this conversation/event? Re-aligned, I re-mind myself to serve with compassion instead of fear. Re-aligned, I can let go of the conversation/event and let love in again. Re-aligned, I don't have to blame, hold grudges, or cling to what was wrong. Re-aligned, I replace hurt with healing. I replace fear with love. I find that if I forget to press the REWIND button and go through that process, I end up with a regret instead of a reason to rejoice in God's amazing power to perform the miracle we all needed.
We all need do-overs. And it is never to late for a do-over, even hours or years later. And sometimes if it has been a hectic day, and we had no time for the REWIND button, I press it in my mind before I go to sleep. I reflect on the event/conversation that didn't go quite as I had intended it to go and then give it to God. I re-mind myself that we both deserve forgiveness and love, and I re-align my thinking to receive divine intelligence. I replay the whole conversation/event in my mind the way I hoped it would go, accept my limitations, and thank God that tonight can be cleansing and healing, and tomorrow is a new day. I cling to peaceful thoughts and ask God to wash my mind as I sleep and re-align my heart to Truth, Love, and Peace. I am not the perfect mom, that is for sure, but from a spiritual perspective, I am the mom my children need to grow spiritually and they are the perfect children I need to grow me. They are not the only ones learning and growing. We are raising each other to new spiritual depths and heights, and I thank God for the gift of forgiveness and love. I thank God that I don't have to get everything right the first time. I thank God that I have let go of the pressure to think that I have to have all the answers, the techniques, the right words, and the right solutions the minute a difficult conversation occurs. I can stop everything. I can ask God and others for help and guidance. I can ask forgiveness. I can ask the Holy Spirit to interpret the symbolism of the drama in my deeper self, and open my heart to what it is that I need to see and understand. I can ask for the grace to be able to let it all go instead of holding onto my mistakes and self-pity, and be receptive to happiness, joy, and peace.
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