I often think about this woman, and how one event, changed the entire trajectory of her life. I often wonder about the everyday, average details of her pregnancy. What kinds of cravings did she experience? Sweets? Breads? How much weight do you suppose she gained? Did she have horribly swollen ankles like I did? Was she able to take a nap when she got tired? And did this ordinary young lady experience any morning sickness? I often imagine her smiling and thankful for the first time she felt her baby boy move inside her? Did she feel "favored" or did the "specialness" wear out with exhaustion, mood swings, and the everyday tasks that had to be accomplished for day-to-day existence. She was human too, chosen by God, in this world, just like we are, but not of this world, just like we are. Mothers worry, and I'm sure Mary did too. Mothers just want their babies born safely, and in perfect health, and Mary was no exception. Can you imagine what she wanted for a birth plan? No epidurals in that manger. You can bet she and Joseph counted every finger and every toe, and you can be sure that she longed to hear her baby's first cry and you can be sure that she rejoiced with every poopy diaper, every burp, and every tiny squeak. I am sure that Joseph learned how to swaddle him and that they spent hours watching him breathe, his little chest moving up and down in the most perfect rhythm. Was his first word Da Da? When did he get his first tooth and can you imagine the happiness when he took his first step?
Jesus, this little innocent baby boy, was being perfectly knit together by God, deep inside of Mary, nestled underneath the chambers of her open heart. Every last stitch of his life thought out and each beautiful row of his thoughts established in a perfect pattern of love and peace. His Mind, fearfully and wonderfully made for the world, a royal garment, we are called to wear everyday so that our cold lives might be warmed, comfortable, and made so beautiful. God knew every time this boy would sit on his mama's lap, sit in a temple, or sit on a mountainside to pray to his Creator. God knew that he would rise up to the challenges of feeding the hungry, raising the dead, and healing the sick. And God knew that he would rise up from his cross. God knew every deep thought Jesus would have, every prayer he would utter in gardens, homes, and hillsides, and all the instructions he would deliver. In the inmost places of Mary, God fashioned the inmost parts of God-With-Us.
As this little baby grew, Mary felt Goodness move in her, and Joy do its somersaults again and again. Hiccups of Hope tickled her and Peace awakened her in the middle of the night. Mary's middle expanded and so did Love. Mary bore the stretchmarks of the steady growth of faith, a faith stretched and stretched again by a situation impossible for humanity, but possible through God's grace and perfectly executed intervention. Our world's soul stretched and marked by a blossoming belief....belief in God's promise that help was on its way. Belief that this little boy would grow up to be a man of prayerful action. A little boy who cooed, laughed, played, crawled, napped, pottied, and giggled who would grow up to be a man who prayed, taught, led, fed, preached, loved, forgave, and rose from his own grave. The weight Mary gained inside her would lessen the weight of our weary, tired, burdened world. Inside Mary was the invisible, secret work of God that would eventually be made visible by Mary's labor pains, her sweat, and her blood. Mary's dark, inner womb was filled with Light. The night inside her grew a New Day for all of us.
I know Mary must have thanked God over and over for her cousin and friend, Elizabeth. Someone to lean on, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a girlfriend to laugh with, both of them putting their feet up late in the afternoon, maybe a cup of tea or a glass of cold water, trying to figure out how God was going to put this all together. Both feeling as if they were walking in a dream. They must have prayed together, cried together, laughed together, and made fun of each other as they outgrew their clothes... maybe the origins of the first MOPS or a Mom's Group.
God searched Mary out, knew what her heart and her body was capable of. God knew her thoughts would get restless, but that her faith in God would bring victory for all of us. She trusted the deepness of God's plans and knew that every thought God had about her life was greater than the sum of every other thought she could have, even fearful ones. She knew that there was no place she could go, even a dirty manger, that God's presence would not be there for her. She knew that God's right hand would hold her fast, even upon the back of that donkey. God made Mary marvelous, wonderful, and God made Jesus marvelous and wonderful. What it must have felt like to carry and nurture the easy weight of God inside her! There is no place that her mind could wander to, that would cause the Holy Spirit to flee from her or God's presence to be removed from this crazy and necessary experience.
God moved behind them both, before them, and laid His gentle hands upon every month of this pregnancy. Every one of us has experienced an event, or maybe more than one, that has changed the trajectory of our lives. There are events in our lives that we couldn't have predicted in our wildest dreams, things that we can't imagine how they could possibly get worked out. And, they do get worked out, every day... all the time. Angels seek us out and find us when we least expect it. God is always knitting together precious life out of something in our own live's deepness and our darkness. Goodness moves inside us, Hope tickles our Center, and Peace awakens us, lest we fall asleep to what is growing right beneath our own heart. And Love, when we nurture it, stretches us and leaves its mark on the world. Mary, our Advent Heroine, was a virgin, not because a man had never touched her, but because she didn't allow fear to touch her.
Knitter God,
This Advent, please take the colorful strands of my heart and mind,
and in my deepness, knit together something beautiful, comfortable, and warm inside me,
that I can give to the world to wear and enjoy.
Knit together a garment of perfect peace,
and wrap my life in your soft love, where fear can never touch me.
Unravel my mistakes, God, and keep me from repeating them. Help me balance tension and ease with every row, making precious stitches of my blessings
and thanksgivings.
Even if my life should be undone and rearranged, the planned
patterns of your faithfulness remain visible and certain,
your creative genius perfect in every way
and flattering to the eye.
You, O God, knit my Savior together
inside his mother's womb,
and you knit my life and my very being together day after day,
strand after strand, stitch after stitch, row after row.
May Goodness cover me, and threads of Hope tickle me.
May Love grow from my deepness, stretch me,
and mark the world with its stripes. Amen.
Reflect On Your Life
For you formed my inward being, You knit me together in my mother's womb.
Psalm 139
your creative genius perfect in every way
and flattering to the eye.
You, O God, knit my Savior together
inside his mother's womb,
and you knit my life and my very being together day after day,
strand after strand, stitch after stitch, row after row.
May Goodness cover me, and threads of Hope tickle me.
May Love grow from my deepness, stretch me,
and mark the world with its stripes. Amen.
Reflect On Your Life
For you formed my inward being, You knit me together in my mother's womb.
Psalm 139
How has God uprooted and rearranged your life in a way you never thought possible?
When have you allowed fear to touch you? When have you kept fear from touching you and experienced God's love?
What is God knitting together inside you? What do you wait for? What is invisible to you now, but you hope to be made visible in your future?
So lovely Susie! This is a sweet insight, and yes, I often think of Mary and what her experience of motherhood must have been. She is one of the first people I want to talk to when I get to Heaven!
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