It's going to happen. Sooner or later, our children start to ask questions about God. Mom, I want to know how God can hear everyone's prayers all at once. Mom, how does God know so much about us? How do we know God is there if we can't see him? Who made God? Mom, why do some people go to church and other people don't? Why did God take seven days to make everything? Kids can really start to ask us a lot of hard questions about God. And, it is really important that we, as parents and adults, tend to our spiritual lives if we are going to "guide" our children through the maze of growing spiritually. Many parents have to make the decision whether or not to practice a religion and then how involved their children should be in religion. Many parents struggle with whether or not religion will play a role in their lives, and if practicing a religion will benefit them spiritually. Everyone has a desire to grow spiritually, whether they are conscious of this or not, but whether or not someone chooses to practice a certain religion in order to help them grow spiritually is, for many people, the real question.
For many people, attending a church seems like the logical answer to growing spiritually. When a person makes the choice to attend church, a synagogue, a temple, etc. they might do some religion shopping, or they might decide to attend the church denomination that they grew up in. Others marry someone who practices a religion that isn't tolerant of other religions and mixed-faith marriages so they attend the church that their spouse attends. Still others "bounce" from religion to religion hoping to find genuine spiritual fulfillment.
Many religions offer dogma, doctrine, theology, and an interpretation of scripture that attempts to "define" who God is for us, and what God requires of us in order to be deemed a devoted and faithful person. When it comes to spiritual growth, religion does play a role. Religion often becomes the "springboard" to growing spiritually. For many, it offers a "framework" for understanding God, a place to "begin" thinking about God. It is a wonderful way to begin the life-long process of understanding who God is in our lives. However, dogma, doctrine, and theology, while certainly adding food for thought into our relationship with God, doesn't always leave a lot of guidance and "wiggle room" for a spirit to grow.
Oftentimes, our devotion to dogma, doctrine, and religious tradition, stagnates the growth of our spirits and can even prevent genuine growth from taking place. While spirituality seeks to understand the divine within all of us, religion can become focused and fixated on the outward signs and symbols of "holiness". If religion isn't careful, people can confuse devotion to one's religion with an authentic and devoted relationship with God.
Religious practices can certainly open the door to spiritual growth, and assist us with prayer, interpretation of scripture, and providing a sense of ritual for important moments in our lives. Weddings, baptisms, funerals, and confirmation are religious milestones where prayer, ritual, and some type of vows to God and community are celebrated. While these religious practices can nourish the spirit, it is certainly only one part of many things that will help our spirits stretch, grow, and deepen. Just attending church on Sunday will only grow our spirits to a certain point.
Attending church on Sunday is all about building community through fellowship, practicing some type of outreach, and praying together as a church family. The personal prayer and reflection required to spiritually grow and deepen your relationship with God doesn't happen on a Sunday morning. What happens the other 6 days of the week is brought to the community altar, in thanksgiving, and celebrated with ordained clergy and other faithful members of your religion. Ordained clergy can help you understand God, and your relationship with God, through their sermons, messages, and preaching, and this can certainly speak to you on many levels. Breaking bread together is a ritual that can strengthen you on your spiritual journey and help sustain you through the week, and reminds us of our union with God and one another. Praying the Lord's Prayer and participating in the confession of one's sin is a way of reaffirming what you believe to be essential in spiritual growth. There is great power in praying as a community for the needs of its members and the greater community, and the world.
Growing spiritually involves inner transformation, and religion just touches the outer fringes of the inner transformation many desire. A spirit needs breathing room to expand, and religions aren't as good at supporting and encouraging expansion. Religion's fear is that if you expand too much, you might question the legitimacy of the dogma, doctrines, and beliefs of a particular religion. Sometimes it is necessary to change religions to support the expansion and deepening of your spirit. Sometimes it is necessary to seek other forms of community support to grow spiritually. Small faith groups, and book clubs that are more centered upon open dialogue about what one is learning, can be helpful on the spiritual journey. Reading books on your own, journaling,and bible study groups can all be a part of growing spiritually.
The difficult part about religion and participating in church on Sunday is that this can never replace the time you take to pray in solitude on a daily basis. Many times people get frustrated with religion because they come in expecting their church service to be an individual prayer experience, and it is the exact opposite. It is a community prayer experience. So when religious denominations try and change to meet the needs of inner transformation, people take it personally because they are in the frame of mind that what they are attending on Sunday is an individual and personal prayer experience. This makes it very hard for mainline denominations to move forward in making the service more conducive to spiritual growth, and this tends to turn off younger generations who need less "religious" rules to follow and more spiritual guidance with the wiggle room to breathe and grow. Questioning religious practices, dogma, and doctrine is a sign of spiritual growth, and the simple act of questioning isn't "sinful". The real sin would be not allowing yourself to think about what you are believing and why you are believing it.
As parents, religion can certainly be a place to help your children get some of their questions answered about God. It is a place where religious ritual can help you celebrate, and make more concrete, the fact that we are all children of God. Religion is a place where you can be a part of a community of believers, all seeking a deeper meaning to life and to feel like there is purpose in life. Religion tends to lean more on the "black and white" side of spirituality, and it is the gray areas of growing spiritually that children and younger generations will question. Youth groups are a wonderful way for your children to find a place where they can explore the spiritual part of themselves and be supported. Some religions aren't afraid of the gray ares and some are very afraid to the point that the gray areas are suppressed, and never allowed to come up. Whatever you decide about religious practices, and your desire to grow spiritually, approach this decision with a prayerful and open-minded attitude. Religion definitely can play a role in your seeking out a deeper relationship with God, but relying on it solely to expand your spirit can limit how far, how deep, and how high your spirit can soar.
Welcome the questions and the "truth" of children. Our children are going to be the future of spiritual growth. They will be the future trail blazers of inner transformation. It is so critical that we are working on our own spiritual growth so that we can guide their questioning, their reflection, and their observations about who God is in our lives without fearing what they question about our own spiritual journey. Children will call out hypocrisy when they see it. They possess a wisdom when it comes to religion and spirituality that we have lost in the "adult" pursuit of spiritual growth. That is why Jesus honored, loved, and respected children. Let us become like the "little children" in all things religious and spiritual.
Next week: Praying Together as Families
Future topics: Praying Together as Couples, Defining Holiness- Creating a "Holy Family",
