Are you feeling it? It is almost the end of July! As usual, the summer is starting to fade. Our children have swam, attended vacation bible school, we've taken our vacation to see family and friends, and now the first signs of back to school are being seen in the stores, in television commercials, and are starting to creep into our conversations. Nathan will start kindergarten this year. So we are making a huge transition. I don't know about you, but when I think of back-to-school, I always feel a little anxiety about our calendars filling up. Just when we were finally settling into a decent summer routine, we are going to have to "fall back" into our school year routines.
Getting up in the morning, getting kids off to school, deciding on extra-curricular activities for the year, piano lessons, preschool, playdates and homework after school, and then for us, the whirlwind of church activities can make any mother's heart start to pound a little too fast. The key for us as a family, and for us as individuals is balance. How can we intentionally focus on keeping balance in our family's lives? How do we allow God to help us strike a balance between what really must happen in our lives and what we think has to happen in our lives? How do we invite God into our calendars, our schedules, and our routines? How do we make sure we are not overscheduling ourselves and our children?
As our children are getting older and their desire to try new things increase, it is extremely important as parents that we become a model for moderation and balance. If we don't have our act together when it comes to our calendars and our ability to prioritize, our children won't be able to learn how to get their act together either. Our children have two parents that always border on workaholism, and lets face it, we live in a country that is addicted to productivity, working long hours, and perfection in what we do. Charles and I sit down in August and sort of figure out what we want the upcoming school year to look like for our children and what we want our life as a couple to look like and then, how much church ministry or community involvement I will take on as well as our own personal endeavors. We bring our calendars and an open heart to prayer and the two of us make sure we are on the "same page" when it comes to steering our children in the right direction, and steering each other in the right direction.
When it comes to developing a recipe for balance, I have found over the years that there are some very key ingredients that have to become a cornerstone for living a balanced life. The first is prayer and spending time in Silence. If I can spend some time at the beginning of every day with God, I find that I make decisions about time that are far more Spirit-Directed rather than Ego-Directed. Just asking God to become the guardian of our calendars and the director of how we invest our time begins to relieve some of the stress. Instead of letting the schedule of the day control me, I am surrendering the day to God, and in doing this, I am empowered. If I don't allow God to lead the planning, I become weakened, all the while believing in the false power of thinking I am Superwoman.
The second key ingredient is discerning intention. What is my motivation for helping on a certain committee? Why do I want my children in certain activities? How many times a week are we going to strive to have dinner as a family? Whose birthday parties are we going to attend? Getting honest about why we fill space on our calendars is extremely important. Does every available space on our calendars really need filling? Is it just easier to take children to an activity rather than deal with them at home? Really taking the time to think through why we say "yes" or "no" to activity is important. Many times, if we get brutally honest with ourselves about over-involvement, the "truth" that we uncover can "set us free" from the need to do and be everything. Teaching our children to stop and think about why they choose an activity is teaching them to listen to their hearts and use the gifts of reason, common sense, and intuition.
Another ingredient to living a balanced life is to learn how to just "be". Are we so busy that when we do get some "down time" we are almost uncomfortable, anxious, and find ourselves unable to truly relax. Can we just lay on the floor and watch a movie with our children or our spouse? Can we just sit outside and watch the clouds drift, or the birds feeding at the bird feeder? Can we literally do "nothing" and see that as being just as productive as organizing a game of soccer? Do we make time for conversation that doesn't have a purpose, but unfolds with the whims of our hearts and imagination? When we can re-train our minds into thinking that doing nothing isn't a waste of time, but rather the breeding ground for creative thoughts, ideas, and daydreaming, that restores balance and replenishes our spirits. We need to have time to do "nothing" so we can be "everything" that God intended us to be.
In developing a recipe for balance, one of the ingredients that gets left out of our "recipe building" is time to be by ourselves. When you are a mother, especially, a younger mother, that is one of the greatest challenges we face. My husband and I try to plan datenights, but what we are not so good at getting on a calendar is time for ourselves. A person who can be comfortable spending time alone without always having to have the company of someone else is a great strength. I know so many women who would not dare go to lunch by themselves or go for a cup of coffee by themselves. I have heard so many women say, I can't be by myself. It is too hard. That is code for, I really don't want to have to be with my own thoughts. I don't like myself enough to really get to know myself. The company of my "self" isn't enough. There is a difference between having some "alone time" and feeling lonely. Our spirits need time alone, apart from people, jobs, family, and noise. It is very hard to know what is in your heart if you don't spend time alone with your own thinking apart from everyone else's thinking. You never really get to know how wonderfully and fearfully made you are, if you never spend time getting to know yourself. When you get acquainted with yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, your desires and passions, your lightness and your darkness, it will become very important to keep time on the calendar for just you.
Finally, the last, but certainly not the least important ingredient is love. When you sit down with your calendar, you want to fill that calendar with nothing but love. If what we do isn't something that we love to do or has the motivation of love at its core, it should not be on your calendar. Now, I know that there are things that we don't like to do on our calendars- like going to the dentist. But because we love ourselves and we love to eat, and we love giving a beautiful smile to the world, we go to the dentist. If you are on a committee that you hate being on, get off the committee. Time is so precious, why would we use our time for any other emotion other than love? If you have something on the calendar that you dread every time it comes up, take it off your calendar. If you are taking your children to karate lessons, not because it is something they really truly love to learn, but because you love karate, you take karate off your children's calendar and you either teach karate or take another class on karate yourself. Don't live your "loves" through your children. Their "loves" may not be your "loves". Sometimes we find ourselves donating time on a committee or a board because we feel it is our turn to be on that committee. If it is "your turn" to sit on that committee or that board or hold the position of secretary or treasure, than make sure that your attitude is one of "I get to be a part of that committee" instead of "Oh boy, here we go. I can't wait for the headaches to start." Come from a place of thanksgiving and love and adventure rather than from a place of negativity or resentment.
Remember that the space our calendars hold is God's space. Every square on our calendars is an opportunity to serve others and make them feel loved. Every space on a calandar is ripe for sabbath service. What we write, type, or print on our calendars has the possibility to change the world. When we remember that what we fill our calendars with is really the activity of God, we come to have great reverence for the gift of every day and every opportunity to love and serve others. Whether the calendar we use is on the wall, in our purse, on our computer, or in our phones, it is holy space. We become what we put on our calendars. We belong to God first, and our calendars should reveal that. Living a balanced life takes practice. No one is perfect at this, but we must always be seeking balance. Living a balanced life means living a holy life - a life that is filled with prayer, work, fun, date nights, friendship, and alone time, and time to just "be".
Signs of a life that isn't in balance are insomnia, depression, illness, headaches, stomachaches, anxiety, over-eating or not eating, and heart problems. Addictions can result from living out of balance. Our bodies and our feelings help keep us aware of when we are living a balanced life. They have a way of getting our attention when something in our life is consuming too much of us.
As summer begins to wind down this next month, bring your calendars to prayer. Write down your intentions for the new school year. Go through your calendar and make family time, alone time, and time by yourself the first thing that goes on the calendar, and then build your life around taking care of yourself. When filling out calendars, make sure you can look at an entire month, not just a week or a day at a time. It is easier to keep your life in balance when you can see the bigger picture. Color code your calendars. Assign colors for everyone, or certain events. If you put time for yourself in blue and it is highlighted, you can quickly check to see how much "blue" is on the calendar. If you can't see at least a few "blues" a month, you know you need to get more "blue" on the calendar. Don't say "Yes" or "No" to requests made of your time. You can respond with, "I need to check my calendar and I'll get back to you" It is not just "time" you are giving away. You are giving "you" away. How much of you can you give? Some activities require more of your emotional self than others, which requires more energy. Remember to forgive yourself when you get in too deep, or when life's circumstances require more of you than you realized. You'll get better and better at balancing your life as time goes on. Follow your intuition when it comes to calendars. Your gut will tell you a lot about what you can do, and what you cannot do. And remember, that what you cannot do and what you say "no" to, allows someone else's gifts and talents to be used. God is bigger than us saying "yes" or "no". For it is God that works through us and despite our imperfections.
Time management is a skill. Help your children learn to use calendars and how to schedule things. It is a great visual tool for helping them learn how to make decisions about using their time and giving their time to other things. Talk about what living a balanced life means and feels like. Have conversations about why it is important to not spend all day on a computer, or spending several hours watching television. Help them explore the gift that time is and what a gift it is to use time with a discerning heart. Help them understand that they may want to do a lot of things, but that doing too many things is not good either. Help them prioritize their lives and help them understand that as parents, sometimes you are in charge of setting the priorities.
Blessings flow through balance. Love flows through balance. Abundance flows through balance. Peace flows through balance. Happiness flows through balance. Truth flows through balance. We are joyful servants when we are balanced. When you reach for your calendar, may you feel blessed, not cursed. A balanced life keeps the gates of the kingdom open and keeps us in the paradise of the living, the paradise of the present moment.
