It happens. You learn you are going to be parents, and you and your spouse vow that they won't let the romance die after the baby is born. We're not going to be "that couple" that loses all interest in each other,and romance, and their sex lives. We can do this.
Our children deserve to be a part of a healthy marriage, and one of the biggest parts of a healthy and happy marriage is sexual intimacy. Our sexual selves are so transformed,changed, and different after we become mothers, and this is the subject that everyone thinks about, but is hard to get really honest about. We tend to shy away from the topic. We might share a few details with our closest friends, but the norm is not to say too much. The most common reaction to the topic of sexual intimacy is to joke about the topic. Laughter can ease tension and nervousness. Just go to a greeting card store, and you can find a million ways to be lighthearted about the subject of sex.
But then the children enter our lives and our sex life tends to exit our lives. Exhaustion consumes us. Constant physical contact with our babies overwhelms our senses. Time is at a premium, and the last thing that is on our minds is sex. After giving birth we are told not to have intercourse for six weeks. And for a lot of mothers that is music to our ears.
There are all kinds of books and television shows that offer advice on this topic, but there are two topics that involve our sexuality, and you don't often here of the two intertwined, and that is that our sexuality and our spirituality are deeply joined together. They are intertwined in many ways, one of which is healing our sexual selves. There is a statistic out there, that I find really frightening. 1 in 4 women are sexually abused in some form. Anything from rape, incest, molestation, or harassment. That is an alarming statistic, and some experts believe that is a low estimate because a lot of women don't report what has happened to them. And as you move along on your spiritual journey, this must be addressed because it not only affects you, the woman and mother, and your spouse, but it also affects your children. If you have trouble getting comfortable with this topic, you aren't going to be any more comfortable when talking with your spouse or your children. By allowing God to move you toward healing and wholeness in this area of your life, you will heal and transform your children's lives and your marriage.
What happens to our bodies happens to our spirit as well. When someone violates our body, our spiritual nature is also violated. When our spiritual nature is violated, we can feel abandoned by God. We feel even more separated from God. We have trouble feeling God's presence. Unfortunately, we question God's will, and often see God as "wanting" this for us. When that couldn't be further from the truth. The image of a loving God is often hard to believe. It makes it difficult to give and receive love. We can't trust ourselves, others, or God. The shame we feel takes the space in our hearts where Love should reign. The anger we feel, takes up the space in our hearts where forgiveness should reign. The guilt we feel takes up the space where acceptance should reign. Healing our sexual selves makes a holy space, in our center, our soul, purely intended for God to love us so we can understand how to love ourselves and learn to love others as God has loved us.
We are both holy and sexual. We are both sensual and saintly. Our sexual nature is as much of God as our divine nature. God created us to both give and receive pleasure. God can touch us as much through the physical expression of love as through the emotional expression of love. When two people express their love through sexual intercourse, it is as much a spiritual experience as it is a purely physical/emotional experience. The ecstasy and joy we feel is God's way of reaching us and desiring to know us with the same ecstasy and joy. The closeness we feel to our spouse is the closeness that God longs for with us. Sexual intercourse becomes our prayer. God enters our lovemaking, so that we might know God in the deepest way possible. Sexual intercourse in many ways is sacramental in that we are engaged in experiencing the presence of God more fully through the physical and spiritual connection we have with our loved one. Sacraments are a sign and symbol of our oneness with God. When we love our spouse through the act of intercourse, that oneness is eternal and forever, just as God is in our lives.
Our act of lovemaking is the creation of an altar where love is offered, oneness is felt, and pure joy is shared.
The expression of love to our spouse through the physical act of touching, kissing, embracing, and caressing is a holy expression of worship, where we worship God-with-us. We worship the divine nature of each other, and the divinity that is expressed in our covenant with each other. A covenant to love, honor, cherish, and grow with each other. The expression of love, in the physical, allows Divine Light to cover us in the eternal and wrap us in forever. Lovemaking allows us to really experience the eternal "now". Past and future do not exist while we love our beloved. It is only us, and nothing else but this moment. The act of intercourse rejects the need for man-made time, and clings to the simplicity of the present.
Loving someone else both physically and emotionally could not get anymore symbolic of God's love for us. Our spouse is our sign and symbol of the revelation of God's unconditional love, support, trust, and belief in us.
We teach our children that sex involves loving someone unconditionally and that sex with another requires emotional maturity, but we often leave out that sex is a spiritual experience and is one of God's greatest gift of love to us. We often forget to tell our children that it is prayerful, holy, and one of the most sacred experiences we will ever have. Teaching our children that when you engage in sexual intercourse with someone you are also affecting, loving, and respecting the spiritual part of that person. You are encountering God through the person you love.
If you are a woman who has been affected by any type of sexual abuse or harassment, you are not alone. You are worthy of all love, all healing, and all joy that life has to offer. It is not your fault, even if parents or someone else told you it was. Let me say that again. It is not your fault. You don't have to carry around the shame, the blame, or the guilt of what happened to you. God will lead you every step of the way to healing, and to wholeness. Pray, get help, and set the victim in you free! Resurrect your "self". You have everything you need inside to heal and to get through even the roughest days. God promises a path through the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Go boldly into the darkness so you can feel the light. Follow the inroads of your Center, where God lives, moves and has His loving being.
Note: This article was taken from the soon to be published book, "Motherprayers, Mamawisdom"by Susie Uhlik
Next Week: Housework, a Rich Source of Prayer and Ritual: Taking the ordinary and mundane work of cleaning, laundry, giving baths, and more, while allowing ourselves to be awakened to their potential to transform our inner selves.
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